Lord of the Rings goes Wacko! Or TO Wacko's
by TarynThe Artist
Summary: Tired of all the dramatic angstiness of The Fellowship of the Ring movie, the Fellowship decides to take a trip to Wacko Zacko's Park for Adventure and Amusement to lighten up a bit.


Hello! ^_^ I was talking with someone and somehow decided to do my own LotR fic. o.o And I know lots of people read LotR fics, so that means a lot of people are going to click on this at least out of curiousity. o.o And they might actually read it. o.o I'm scared. *hides*  
  
Umm... this is my first attempt at a fictional story written normally (in other words, not in script form) so please be nice. ;_;  
  
Disclaimer: Ummm... I don't own any of the LotR characters. And technically I don't own Wacko Zacko's Park for Adventure and Amusement, but I have permission from its creator to use it. ^_^ So... here!  
  
  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
Tired of all the dramatic angstiness of The Fellowship of the Ring movie, the Fellowship decides to take a trip to Wacko Zacko's Park for Adventure and Amusement to lighten up a bit.  
  
Right after they stepped inside WZ's...  
  
  
"Where should we go first?" Frodo asked.  
  
"Hot dog vendor!" shouted Pippin, pointing and jumping up and down excitedly. The four hobbits all ran to the stand and began ordering food. Aragorn followed to make sure they didn't buy out the entire stand.  
  
Legolas shifted, looking around and using his super-keen Elf eyesight to spot anyone that might resemble a fangirl in any way, shape, or form. Fortunately he was wearing normal earth clothes, but a die-hard fangirl could probably spot the pretty elf from a mile away. (Fangirls are rumored to have eyesight equal to or superior to the elves.)  
  
Gandalf, being the old and wise wizard he is, had brought a large straw hat and dark sunglasses to keep from being recognized. And if you've never seen an old and wise wizard wearing a large straw hat and dark sunglasses, you're missing out.  
  
Gimli had already headed off to the Wack-A-Mole.  
  
And Boromir was at a gift shop looking at the jewelry, but quickly became bored when the one ring he wanted wasn't there.  
  
Legolas leaned over to Gandalf and whispered, "Can I borrow those sunglasses?"  
  
"I don't see why you're so worried," said Gandalf.  
  
Legolas gave him a look. "You wouldn't understand. When was the last time YOU were chased by a mob of rabid fangirls?"  
  
"..." Gandalf, being the old and wise wizard he is, handed him the sunglasses.  
  
The hobbits returned to the group, arms loaded with amusement park junk food.  
  
"Do you guys want anything?" Frodo asked, giving his slurpie a slurp.  
  
Legolas and Gandalf shook their heads.  
  
"Where's Boromir and Gimli?" Aragorn asked.  
  
The Fellowship looked around. It wasn't hard to spot Gimli (not many super-short, bearded guys who like smashing things in the park). Currently he was practically demolishing the Whack-A-Mole like the mechanical rodents had invaded the Mines of Moria.  
  
"So where's Boromir?" asked Frodo.  
  
"I saw him heading over to the Log Flume," said Pippin through a mouthful of pink cotton candy.  
  
The Fellowship turned to the Log Flume in time to see the log Boromir was in approach the steep drop. He screamed as it fell with a splash.  
  
"Why does that look familiar?" Aragorn mused.  
  
...  
  
-_-;  
  
~~~~~~~~  
  
Eventually the Fellowship split and the hobbits were off on their own together.  
  
"Hey, look!" Merry pointed at a roller coaster. "The Flying Dragon! Let's try it!"  
  
Frodo blinked. "Hn... Is that what you guys want to do?"  
  
Merry and Pippin nodded their heads in an unnaturally fast way. Sam didn't look so sure.  
  
"I'm not so sure, Master Frodo..." (What'd I tell you? You'll listen to me from now on, right?) "It doesn't look safe."  
  
"Oh, it's perfectly safe," said Pippin through a mouthful of nachos. "Only three deaths this year."  
  
"Four," corrected Merry.  
  
"Um." Frodo tried to think of a way to kindly say no, but Merry and Pippin gave him their best puppy-dog eyes. He almost agreed, but then he saw Sam's rather white face. "Well... maybe you two can go on. Sam and I will just watch."  
  
"Yay!" The four pitter-pattered over to the ride and got in line.  
  
[AN: Hobbit feet were MADE for pitter-pattering. ^_^]  
  
After almost an hour of waiting, Frodo and Sam realized they should have sat on a bench instead of going in the line with the others.  
  
"Well, you're already in line now," said Pippin through a mouthful of chilli fries.  
  
"We can just get out, then." said Frodo.  
  
Merry shook his head and lied through his teeth. "Nope. It's a law--once you've passed a certain point in the line, you must board the ride."  
  
Sam sighed. He knew he should've stayed at the Shire today...  
  
Then the four came to the front of the line. When they tried to board the roller coaster, they were stopped by a WZ employee.  
  
"Sorry, kids, you can't go on."  
  
"Who you callin' kids?!" Pippin demanded through a mouthful of corndog.  
  
The employee tapped a sign that said, "You must be this tall to ride."  
  
...  
  
"That's discrimination!" shouted Merry. "Frodo, give him your best 'huggle me'look."  
  
Frodo gave the employee his "I've got this stupid ring I need to destroy and the world is out to get me" look--not one of his best, but still good.  
  
The employee faltered. "Ah... look, kid, I'm sorry, I really am, but... You can't ride this ride."  
  
"Give him your 'Gandalf just died' look, then."  
  
Frodo did so. The people around them went, "Awwwww!" and rushed to smother Frodo with huggles, something most LotR fans probably wanted to do throughout the whole movie.  
  
The employee sniffled. "I... oh... maybe I can let you on..."  
  
Pippin cheered through a mouthful of fried dough.  
  
[AN: Mmm... fried dough...]  
  
"But on one condition!" said the employee. "When you fall out, don't tell anyone it was me who let you on."  
  
Frodo caught on to the wording of that sentence and stepped away from his hugglers. "When we fall out?"  
  
"These rules are here for a reason, kid. They're to protect you."  
  
Frodo sniffled. "Someone made up rules just to protect me?"  
  
"I want a rule made up to protect me, too!" said Pippin through a mouthful of slush puppy.  
  
Merry snorted. "I think a better idea would be to make up a rule to protect people FROM you."  
  
"And since when do people need protecting from me?!"  
  
Merry ticked the places off his fingers. "The mines of Moria when you made the ruckus that brought an army of savage creatures to us, the time you threw a rock into the water and a savage creature tried to eat Frodo, the time--"  
  
"Eck, I get your point already." Pippin sulked, slurping on an extra-large Coke.  
~~~~~~~  
  
Meanwhile, Legolas was wandering around aimlessly by himself, wishing there were trees somewhere. Anywhere. Less people would be good, too. Then, he saw it.  
  
A sign: "Practice your archery skills here! Hit the target, win a prize! Hit the bullseye, win a bigger prize!"  
  
"Yay!" He practically skipped over to the game. No line! He paid and accepted a bow and some arrows... with suction cups on the tips?!  
  
Blink. "What kind of shoddy bow and arrows are these?"  
  
The lady operating the game fumed. "Look, mister, just try to hit the target. I'm sweaty and cranky and resent men who look prettier than I do."  
  
Legolas complied, hitting the bullseye on the first try.  
  
Two teenage girls walked by behind him, gabbing about some guy named Orli. Legolas payed them no attention (too busy happily shooting things) and continued firing bullseyes, which annoyed the lady working the booth since that meant she had to keep giving him huge teddy bears and they were going to run out soon and it would be his fault and did I meantion she's resentful of any man who's prettier than she is?  
  
The two teenage girls realized they were right by the ARCHERY booth and had to stop.  
  
One of them, a tall girl with light brown hair and a generous helping of freckles, sighed. "I wonder what Leggy would do if he was the one standing there shooting arrows?"  
  
[AN: That's what's called situational irony. Use it carefully.]  
  
The other, shorter and with unnaturally blond hair, said, "He'd probably get all bullseyes, of course, kind of like this... guy... is... hey... Doesn't he kinda remind you of...?"  
  
"Now that you mention it..."  
  
They crept closer.  
  
Legolas continued happily firing shot after shot after shot. The pile of gigantic teddy bears grew.  
  
[AN: Gah, what's he going to do with all of those, anyway? o.O;;;]  
  
Suddenly a high-pitched scream filled the air.  
  
Legolas froze. When you've been chased by rabid fangirls as often as he has, you start recognizing the signs that one is near. (A glowing sword is not needed, but might be helpful.) One of the top signs is a certain kind of high-pitched scream, usually followed by--  
  
GLOMP!!!  
  
Oh for the love of Ents...  
~~~~~~~  
  
Gandalf, Aragorn, and the still-dripping Boromir were on what had to be the scariest ride known to man (and wizard). They clung to each other, eyes squinched shut, whimpering and waiting for it to all be over. Finally it was.  
  
"I'm never going on another blasted ferris wheel again!" Aragorn sulked, scrambling to get out.  
  
Gandalf nodded in a agreement, then looked down as a little girl tugged on his Hawaiian shirt. "Yes, little one?"  
  
She blinked up at him with large, kawaii eyes. "Are you Gandalf?"  
  
He chuckled. "What makes you think that?"  
  
"The hat, silly."  
  
...  
  
"Told you to try a baseball cap this time," muttered Boromir.  
  
Gandalf took off his straw hat and plopped it onto the little girl's head. So much for a disguise.  
  
"Hey, there are the halflings," said Boromir.  
  
The hobbits pitter-pattered over to them.  
  
"Hello!" said Pippin through a mouthful of pizza.  
  
"This place is boring," said Merry. "We're too small for all the good rides."  
  
"We could leave, then," said Sam.  
  
Gimli spotted them and came over. "I've been banned from going near a mallet ever again. This means war!"  
  
...  
  
"Does anyone know where Legolas is?" asked Frodo.  
  
Nope.  
  
"Sh! What's that?" asked Sam.  
  
They strained their ears to hear.  
  
"Sounds like someone screaming..." said Frodo.  
  
"A lot of someones screaming," said Pippin through a mouthful of taffy.  
  
The crowd around them was stirring, getting out of the way as the screaming grew louder. A blur of blond and a hoarde of rabid fangirls streaked past, leaving in its wake scattered giant teddy bears.  
  
Gandalf sighed. "Time to rescue him again..."  
  
"I'm never going anywhere with him again," muttered Boromir. "This is getting embarrassing."  
  
Frodo began picking up the scattered teddy bears before they got trampled to death by a second wave of screaming fangirls. (It's rumored that fangirls can hear the delighted screams of other fangirls from a mile away, and like beached whales will answer the call.)  
  
"Ach, they'll tire of him soon enough," said Merry.  
  
"Yeah," said Pippin through a mouthful of onion rings. "And then they'll start chasing after Frodo."  
  
Frodo: o.o  
  
"We'd better leave, then," said Aragorn. And they did.  
  
The little girl with Gandalf's straw hat spotted a teddy bear Frodo had left behind and picked it up. "Leggy-less's bear!" She huggled it and skipped back over to her parents.  
  
  
THE END  
~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Well? well? Was it any good? Huh? Huh? Tell me tell me tell me! And remember, it's my first, so be nice. ;_; Okay? Okay! ^_^ 


End file.
